Dreaming of Closed Doors
Written by: Ellie Cee (Lady Atlas)
My smile faded as that strong door closed on me. My heart started to beat erratically, banging my ribcage like what I was doing with the door. He just sighed behind me and felt he moved away and sat somewhere in the room where we are trapped.
"Stop it. It's useless anyway," he uttered.
I stopped the banging and turned to him vehemently, "I hate you!" I tried very hard not to shed a tear and harshly dragged myself to sit on the cold floor. My breathing a bit heavy and trembling.
I have felt this fear before when I was a little kid and it almost killed me. I felt that the air had stopped supplying me. My throat was clogged; my lungs were locked. The last thing I knew was that I was shaking and crying on the floor when he suddenly approached me.
His eyes was in panic and I can see worry in it, too. He managed to hold onto me and made me sit still. I continued to whimp, my tears dripping on my cheeks but he wiped it for me.
"Damn it, Julia! Get a hold of yourself," he snapped. He was panicking. For a minute I knew he was regretful of forgetting about my claustrophobia and how it was fatal for me to be in a closed room without an open space or outlet.
I continued crying and putting my both hands on my ears when he suddenly pulled me in his arms. It was like a slight suicide that my heart had stopped beating for about four seconds, then it had pumped enough blood again.
"I'm so sorry for dragging you in here, Julia. I should've known they will give us this prank, I would've prevented this from happening.
"I still feel the same way for you. I'm sorry for pushing you away. I felt crazy when I felt you never cared anymore. I was jealous of Mike when you embraced him that night. I thought we will be okay, but I was wrong. I was so confident that you will still be there when I'm ready. I was so jealous it made me think of putting up a fight with him," Derrick explained.
"But right now, I just want you to know how I really feel about you up until now. I've been attached to you for so long, Julia. I already knew at that time that I am starting to like you. I really like you, Julia." He said emotionally. It was the Derrick I never saw. The one that I never have wished to see in many lifetimes.
The Derrick who is crying because of me.
I hurriedly looked at him and wiped his tears, "Stop! Haven't I told you before that I don't want to see you cry, not even a million times?"
He smiled dryly and shove my hair away from my face, "I love you, Julia... I really do. I can take anything for doing this, even if you can't take me anymore. I'm not giving up." He hugged me again and kissed my forehead.
All the misery and loneliness were gone before me. This man painted a smile on my face.
And right when I was about to reply my answer, my eyes opened up and saw the bright light coming from our window. The ceiling fan tirelessly twirling and I was on my bed, as usual, dripping in tears.
How could I ever be really happy? Of course, Derrick will never love me back.
He will never come back.
And I should accept that.
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